Honeymoon Blues
by Meriwether
Summary: S12 Post:Two Ships "Discovering what it’s like to truly feel alive is a heartwrenching journey. So is deciding when to let go." A Roomies Fanfic.
1. Ungrateful Bastard

**Disclaimer:** I don't own a damn thing; not even the words on this page.I'm sure another fool, at somemoment in time,wrote thesewords that now flow through my veins.

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Chapter 1: Ungrateful Bastard

_The only comprehensible thought that was running through her mind… Ungrateful bastard._

Her hands, tightly cramped around her keys, struggled to unlock the door. She could imagine, with every fiber in her being, the mess that awaited her on the other side. She pushed the door open, relishing in the quick release of her rage, as it slammed loudly against the wall. Her need to inflict pain was beyond control. She needed something to hurt, as much as she hurt.

_Ungrateful bastard._

Ray sat up, quickly awoken by the harsh crash; the entire apartment shook. "You're home early." He states the obvious, as he rubs his eyes and glances at her obviously frustrated appearance.

"Shouldn't you be at work?" she asks accusingly.

"Shouldn't you be looking for a new apartment?" he chokes out, obviously not caring about her rotten mood.

She continues to glare at him, but quickly rushes off to her room, slamming the door yet again.

Ray jumps slightly at the slam of the door and sighs deep into his hands. He lazily stretches his legs back out on the couch, though realizes he's not nearly as comfortable as before.

_Maybe it's a good thing she's moving out._

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**Author's Note:** If you recognize my odd style of writing, or penname (though it's unlikely, I change it frequently), you might realize I have another Ray/Neela story that isn't finished. (Actually, none of them are finished… haha)

Anyway, I had finally found the inspiration to keep writing but before I could submit the multiple chapters I had written in advance, I lost everything on my hard drive. So I'm taking yet another break from that story. Maybe sometime in the far distant future I will get around to rewriting it.


	2. Deep Breathes

**Author's Note: **When I read this chapter online the other day, something felt off to me. I realized I uploaded the wrong one! Only the ending is different, but you should reread it so there's no confusion. By the way, Ray has already been kicked out of his band. Ohh and thanks for all the reviews : )

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_Deep breathes. _

She kept telling herself that. But why wasn't it working? She sat there for hours working up the strength and courage to talk to him. How could she behave so immaturely?

_Because he's an ungrateful bastard._

She shoved her face tighter against the pillow, trying to force the thoughts from her mind. She finally maneuvered herself to the edge of her bed and sat up. Not bothering to straighten her clothes, she marched resolutely to the door.

_Deep breathes._

She made a point to be gentle this time and quietly shut it behind her. She stopped a few feet from the couch and looked uncertainly at him.

She found herself smirking despite her current feelings of uneasiness. Of course he was asleep. She turned and made her way back to her room.

"Can I help you with something?" His overconfident voice and protruding ego almost quashed her guilt for behaving so harshly towards him.

"Huh?" she said dumbly.

"You were staring at me." He said, his voice clearly reflecting a sudden interest in her hesitance.

"I just… didn't want to wake you… again." She replied, trying to sound apologetic.

"I wasn't asleep."

"Oh."

_Deep breathes._

"So…" he said, looking at her expectantly.

"So… I wanted to apologize." She paused slightly, not really knowing what to say. "I've put you in an awkward position. I know this past month must have been weird for you."

"I'm fairly certain you don't know." He retorted, instantly regretting the bitterness that seeped through his voice.

"You're right." She said, her gaze falling further to the floor, "But I'm still sorry."

"Don't worry about it." He swiftly stood up and brushed his hand lightly on her shoulder, "He's a good guy."

His hand dropped to his side and walked passed her towards the kitchen. Biting his tongue was all he could do to refrain from spilling any other thoughts he was thinking.

_Deep breathes._

She studied him for a moment, before following his stride. "How would you know that?"

Surprised, he turned back to her, "What do you mean?" He could tell she was trying desperately to remain calm.

_So much for an apology…_

"You haven't taken 2 seconds to get to know him."

"I'm an excellent judge of character." He says, laughing under his breath.

_Why is she making this so difficult?_

"Coming from the guy who fell in love with a 15 year old STD carrier."

_Low blow. _

"I just meant he must be one hell of a guy if he's good enough for you. What does my opinion matter anyway?"

_Deep breathes._

"Exactly, Ray. Your opinion doesn't matter." She yelled, her fists clenched at her side. "Your apparent approval means nothing."

"Do you see me caring?" He yelled after her, as she took off towards her room.

"God, silly me for thinking you cared about anybody except yourself."

Ray cringed as the door slammed yet again and sat back down on the couch. He knew he needed to talk to her, to explain himself. He was running out of time, it was only a matter of days before she was gone and out of his life for good.

He was aching for a beer, to drown his sorrows and forget every feeling that was screaming inside him. But that would come later.

He knew what had to be done. He stood up and hesitantly approached her door, his hand reaching for the doorknob. Before he could turn it, he heard her voice, apparently she was on the phone.

"You're not going to believe this... He proposed."

Ray stood frozen in front of her door with his jaw literally dropped. He quickly backed away and reached for his keys. Getting fired was only going to make this day worse. He shrugged on his jacket and took off for work. This time _he_ was the one to slam the door.


	3. Straighten Out, Straighten Up

**Please read!** I changed the previous chapters ending a little, so you should go back and reread it. Thanks!

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**Chapter 3: Straighten Out, Straighten Up**

After contemplating the best course of action to take, Ray slowly pushed the apartment door open.

He never thought the prospect of going home, to see her, would be accompanied with this feeling of dread. The thought of what awaited him on the other side…

_This is **m**y apartment. If **they** don't want me here, **they** will have to deal with that. _

He stood resolutely in the doorway, waiting for the faintest of sound to clue him in on what catastrophe he just walked in on. In all directions he was surrounded by a mess he was quite sure he took no part in making. If he hadn't known better, he might of thought they were robbed.

He stepped further into the living room; almost tripping on a chair that was knocked over.

_Oh God, they better not have had sex on any of the furniture._

Trying to purge all thoughts from his mind, Ray started gathering all the empty beer bottles. He stopped almost immediately after noticing a pile of cushions on the floor.

_Note to self… buy new couch._

Within ten minutes the apartment was starting to look decent again, but something didn't feel right. His eyes wandered over the room, trying to place what was missing. Then it hit him. Gallant's stuff wasn't around. His jacket would at least be hung up.

They probably went out for the night. The apartment was far too quiet for them to be here. Had they started moving out already?

Ray's mind began to race. Was he ready for that? To live alone? Without her? For weeks he had been telling himself it was for the best. He would never find a new roommate, least of all no one who could replace her.

He had to know. He had to know if he was going to spend the rest of his nights alone. He approached Neela's bedroom door and knocked calmly three times.

With no answer, he turned the doorknob and craned his neck inside,unaware and unprepared for the sight that lay in front him.

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**Author's Note:** has been really weird for me lately. It took forever for it to cooperate and finally let me upload this chapter. The next should be along soon. Thank you guys so much for the reviews : ) 


	4. Never Drink Alone

**Chapter 4: Never Drink Alone**

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Ray's stomach flipped. For a split second he thought he was hallucinating and for an even shorter second he wished that he were. 

Neela's face was stained with tears. Her body that seemed almost fragile was curled up on the edge of her bed. He stood fixed in front of her, torn between what he should do and what he wanted to do. Her apparent disregard to his presence easily decided it. He stepped further towards her and shut the door behind him.

"What's wrong, pre-wedding jitters?" he said, trying to ignore the sickening taste in the back of his mouth.

"Screw you, Ray." she muttered.

"Do you really want me to reply to that?" he asked, unable to mask the familiar playfulness in his voice.

Ray stood awkwardly in her room, studying it for the first time. His eyes darted between her bed and the chair sitting across the room. He drummed his fingers on his thigh, silently contemplating what to say. His eyes continued to travel around the room, hoping for some kind of clue. He spotted 2 empty beer bottles on her dresser and wondered if God had heard his prayers.

"Have you been drinking?" he asked but she made no effort to answer. He slowly sat down on her bed, consciously choosing the furthest side from her as possible. His logical reasoning made no difference to his uneasy stomach.

"What happened to the apartment?" he looked towards her, his line of sight hovering over her distressed form.

With no answer, "How long before Joeys are kangaroo's?" he continued trying to provoke her, "Wait, here's an easy one. How'd the leopard get his stripes?"

"Leopards don't have stripes, Ray." She mumbled, willing herself not to let him affect her.

"I knew there was logic in you somewhere." Happy to finally get a response, he decided to try his luck, "What's wrong, Neela?"

"Nothing is wrong." She let out all too quickly.

"You sure?" he said unconvinced, "Cause, you know… you just went a whole minute without yelling at me or calling me a jackass." He stopped for a minute to grab the box of kleenex, "And I know you've been crying."

Neela slowly sat up and made a lame attempt to dry her tear-stained face, "You're not… always… a jackass."

"I know." He sighed dramatically and lay down next to her, not even trying to conceal the smirk forming on his face, "What? I wanted to hear you say it."

Ray closed his eyes and slightly shifted his body to get comfortable. He couldn't see her, but he knew she was probably staring at him. "Hasn't anyone ever told you never drink alone?"

"What can I say? I'm a rebel."

He opened his eyes to see her staring blankly out the window, "You can start talking anytime now."

"What do you want me to say?"

"All previously listed questions."

Fed up with his prying, Neela fell back onto her bed, "Good night Ray."

He was battling within himself to calmly assess the situation. But as he watched her sink further into her pillow his mind began racing with images that made him extremely uncomfortable.

_Don't think about it. Don't. Think. About it. _

Ray grabbed the half-empty beer on her nightstand and quickly downed it, hoping to clear all thoughts of Gallant from his mind.

_Gallant and Neela… on this bed… having sex._

He ached for another beer, or four, but he knew she needed him. He needed to keep his temper under control.

Neela sighed, noticing no shift of weight on her bed, "Ray."

He struggled to maintain composer, "Hmm?"

"That wasn't meant as an invitation."

Ray rolled over onto his side, "I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong."

"Fine." She conceded, but lay back down to sleep, "Have it your way."

"Okay…" he exhaled dramatically, "But I should warn you, my hands tend to travel a lot in their sleep." He smirked and started to slowly lift the blanket off her.

Neela sat up quickly and smacked his arm. "Ray!" her voice was stern, but he could see a hint of a smile on her face as she pulled the blanket back over her.

"You hit me." He said, feigning shock.

She glared at him momentarily but eventually relaxed back on the bed. They sat in silence for a minute, until Ray finally decided to speak.

"I don't get it, Neela." He struggled to keep the bitterness from his voice, "Isn't this the part all girls dream of? Planning the perfect wedding?"

"Maybe…" she eyed him carefully, "If there was actually going to be a wedding."

Ray looked up, positive he had misunderstood her, "Huh?"

"He proposed." She said, rolling her eyes, "You assumed I said yes."

"Oh."

"That's it? That's all you have to say?" disappointment unmistakably in her voice.

"I'm just surprised..." Ray looked cautiously around the room, expecting someone to jump out and yell the whole thing was a hoax.

"Tell me about it." Neela sighed.

"I thought you guys were the real deal." Ray searched the room, trying to stare at anything but her, "Your devotion to him… even when he was away for so long…"

"I didn't mean actually tell me about it." Her slightly narrowed eyes were fixed on him, obviously growing annoyed.

But Ray didn't care, "What happened?"

"He's going back."

"Come again?" his eyebrows raised slightly.

She laughed shortly, but there was no humor in her voice, "Iraq. He wants to go back."

"Oh."

"I mean, who does he think I am?"

"I'm not sure…"

"Abby was right. We're complete strangers. How can he expect me to just wait idly by? He's choosing that life over me."

"But he proposed, he loves you." He paused slightly, "He'll come back." Trying to sound convincing, hoping it wasn't obvious his heart was cheering for the other side of the argument.

"He's in love with the fairytale. The perfect marriage… wife… family." Neela shook her head sadly, "I'm not sure that's what I want anymore. Not sure that's what I ever wanted."

Ray tried to swallow the venom that rose from his throat; "Do you love him?"

"Of course."

"Right. Just checking." Ray looked uncomfortably towards the floor; realizing how thankful he was that she had been drinking. She wasn't likely to remember this conversation in the morning.

"I mean, I care about him." Neela looked thoughtfully at her comforter, trailing her fingers lightly over the frayed edges. "I'm attracted to him. I enjoy being with him."

_God, being with him. On this bed._

"Are you even listening?"

"Yeah, sorry. I'm just thinking. Isn't that enough?"

"What's enough?"

"Love. Isn't it enough to try and make it work?" Ray silently told himself to shut up, but he couldn't obey.

"Two people can fall in love… unwittingly… and be forced under shitty circumstances. But life isn't supposed to be easy, Neela." He could feel his heart pulsing as he paused to look at her, trying to gauge her reaction, "Neither is marriage." His voice trembled with frustration, "Or love."

He tried to take a deep breath, he knew he shouldn't say any more, but he was on a roll. It was uncontrollable now. "You say you're strangers, but doesn't that make it more interesting? That journey of discovering their deepest darkest secrets?"

Ray suddenly became aware of how close he moved to Neela, how soft his voice became and if he leaned in… just a little bit further… he could kiss her.

"What if I don't like what I find?" her voice subconsciously matched his soft tone.

"There's only one way to find out…"

"Ray…" her gaze was serious, but her voice gave away her discomfort.

"Neela…" he mimicked her, but his tone was far from playful.

"Why are looking at me like that?" she asked, somewhat embarrassed.

"Like what?"

"Like you're…"

"I'm…" He said, gravitatingcloser to her.

"About to be sick."

Ray leaned slightly back, "What?" confusion shown clearly over his face, "I'm not about to be sick."

Neela shook her head violently, "No, I am." and she quickly sped to the bathroom.

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**Author's Note:** WHEW! Thank God that's over with. I got a little lazy at parts, especially towards the end, but I didn't think I'd ever finish! Hopefully it was worth the long wait… So anyway, (if you made it to the end) let me know what you think. Or not.


	5. Whirlwind

**Chapter 5: Whirlwind**

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Ray sat unmoving on Neela's bed, waiting for her sickness to cease. His eyes were closed, but her expression moments before was uncontrollably engraved in his eyelids. Regret stormed through his body. 

_She was drunk. I tried to take advantage of that. Of her._

He continued to sit motionless, listening to her throwing up a second time. After a few minutes, Ray slowly lifted himself from the bed and headed towards the bathroom.

Neela was curled up miserably against the wall. It broke his heart to see her like this. She was usually so composed, so together. So not like this.

Ray stood apprehensively at the sink as he filled a glass with water. He slowly lowered it toward her, trying desperately to avoid eye contact.

Watching her absorb the glass seemed to last for hours. He wanted to say something, _anything_,but he couldn't. He was terrified of making the situation even worse.

His eyes were glued to her, so much in fact, that when she stretched out her arm handing back the empty glass, he didn't even blink.

Neela casually attempted to clear her throat, startling Ray and forcing the embarrassment of the situation to consume them both. He quickly grabbed the glass and set it back down on the sink.

Her legs were pressed against her chest, but her gaze was on him expectantly. He prayed he looked less awkward then he felt; clearly he didn't, since she was relishing in his discomfort.

"Feel better?" he barely managed above a whisper.

"A little." Her smile was faint but visible.

Ray breathed deeply, extending his arms out, "Come on."

She hesitantly grabbed hold of his outstretched hands and was quickly pulled off her feet.

"Woah." Ray barely caught her in time, her face still stumbling directly into his chest.

"Oops." Neela's voice came out muffled from being pressed against his shirt.

"Are you okay?" he asked, genuinely worried.

Neela giggled briefly, "You smell nice." her voice sounding foreign to even herself.

Ray's eyes widened with doubt. "Thanks… I guess."

Neela's face was still pressed against his chest, making him hesitant to move. His arms lay awkwardly at his sides, his hands searching for some place to rest.

"Are you okay?" he asked again, trying to break through the uncomfortable silence.

Ray's shoulders tensed as he felt the girl in his arms cling even tighter. He barely acknowledged the words flowing from either of their mouths.

He could feel her speaking, but his own throat burned, making it difficult to articulate. Her lips were so close to his neck, her breath so hot on his skin.

Sensing she wasn't going to move, Ray tentatively gripped her waist. "Neela…" his voice reflected how undeniably tortured he felt.

An embarrassed wave of laughter washed over Neela. She slightly lost her balance, causing Ray's protective arms to grip her tighter.

The intense contact shot a shiver immediately through his entire body, causing all the blood to rush from his brain to his…

_Oh shit. _

"Your heart is beating so fast…" she mumbled into his neck again.

Becoming painfully aware of slight tightening in his pants, Ray quickly spun her around to face the opposite direction.

"What the bleeding hell was that for?" she said, agitated for being twirled around so fast.

He responded carefully, not wanting to alarm her, "You should get to bed." he instructed her back towards her bedroom, silently cursing himself for reacting so strongly.

Ray stood nervously behind her, watching her grudgingly crawl into bed. His smirk grew as she unsuccessfully tried to pull the covers over herself.

Without thinking, he moved forward to help her, sighing and running his fingers through his own hair.

"It's late." Neela said, glancing at the clock.

"Yeah." Ray gently grabbed the edge of the blanket and tucked it at her side, "And we both are on in the morning."

She made little noise, but he could see her head slightly nod with a yawn, before closing her eyes.

He studied her for a moment, about to speak, but suddenly remembered the development in his southern region.

Ray quickly dropped to his knees, resting his arms on the edge of her bed. "Neela…"

"Hmm?" She spoke, but did not open her eyes.

He opened his mouth to speak, to explain himself, but decided against it.

"Good night." He whispered, and slowly reached up to turn off her lamp, but was stopped by a warm hand reaching out to him.

"Wait…" Neela's voice was thick with exhaustion, "Thank you." Her smile sent a hunger through his stomach. A hunger for something that wasn't his, something he couldn't have.

Ray nodded, trying to smile back. He gently took her hand in his, and grazed his lips over it, laying a gentle kiss on her warm skin.

He shut off her light and journeyed back to his own room, hoping for a sleep full of dreams. The one place he _could _have her, for at least a little while.

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**Author's Note:** I hope this didn't seem too OOC for Neela (Ray as well). I rewrote that ending 3 times, trying to decide how I wanted her to act while drunk. Anyway, it's late, so no rambling for me. Thanks again for all the (past and hopefully future) reviews. 


	6. Sleeping Beauty

**Author's Note:** So… how long has it been? A year, or three? I'm frustrated, to say the least, with how the Roomies storyline has been taken. I thought I'd vent my disapproval in a constructive way. I don't know how big of a following the Roomies have anymore, but I'm really just writing for myself. It's kind of therapeutic. Anyway, if anyone does happen to see this, drop me a critique, I'd appreciate it.

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**Chapter 6: Sleeping Beauty**

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Ray awoke the next morning, with a headache so intense, he felt certain _he_ had been the one drunk the night before.

His alarm clock blared right on schedule. His eyes opened slightly, finding himself halfway off his bed.

_And everything you said to me  
Put me on my knees_

Ray cringed at the irony of the song ringing from his alarm. He forced his eyes open, trying to embrace the daylight, but he found himself glaring at the ceiling.

_It's so hard to believe in you  
I'm not quite clear what I should do_

He stubbornly sat upright on his bed, yawning and stretching his limbs. A cold chill swept through his room from the open window.

_And now I know  
That you're the only one_

Ray lifted himself to an awkward standing position and began the search for at least semi-clean clothes. His wardrobe lay entirely on his floor.

_It's so hard to believe  
In things that you can't see_

He slowly rolled his eyes, getting sick of the emotionally dramatic lyrics. He'd never write a song like that.

_And I can't believe a thing you say  
I can't believe a thing you say_

Growing even more annoyed with the song, he tore the alarm clock from the wall. He threw it half-heartedly towards the corner of his room. His disarrayed clothes softened the blow, so it landed with a dull _thump._

A shiver forced it's way through Ray's almost entirely exposed body. He walked resolutely towards the open window and slammed it shut.

He regretted the outburst immediately. He rested his forehead against the cool glass of the window, praying he didn't wake _sleeping beauty._

Abandoning his search for clothes, Ray wandered towards the bathroom. He pulled opened the door, but quickly stopped dead in his tracks.

"You're awake."


	7. Clothing Optional

**Author's Note:** Wow. I haven't written anything in a long, long time. Nearly 4 years in fact. I don't know where it came from, or why it's here but this chapter just begged to be written. ER has been gone for some time now, but if there are any avid Roomie fans left, please enjoy a continued homage to what was once a great pairing on a great show.

**Chapter 7: Clothing Optional**

"You're awake"

He stood awkwardly in the doorway of the bathroom.

"Very astute Ray." Neela responded. She stood parallel to the bathroom mirror, toothbrush in hand.

His eyes narrowed slightly, taking in her demeanor.

"How're you feeling?" he asked cautiously, as her eyes rolled slightly with apparent disregard for him.

She shot back an, "I'm fine" that Ray couldn't quite believe.

He also became very aware of how little clothing he was wearing, and apparently so did Neela. For a second he thought he caught her checking him out and a smirk formed on his groggy and disheveled face.

"Did you need something?" Her tone was stern but he could see a faint softness in her eyes.

He shook his head, "Take your time."

As he turned to exit the bathroom, he paused for a second…

"Do you want some breakfast?" he asked uncertainly, fighting with himself to get the sentence out.

Neela let out a short laugh, laced with disbelief. "Are you offering to cook?"

Ray sighed, "You have little to no faith in me don't you?" his voice was playful but she sensed he felt more truth in the statement than he let on.

Her smile faded slightly, "Ray-"

He cut her off before she could say anything. "I'm a man on many talents, Neela. These hands," he made of a show of motioning his hands in the air, "have accomplished miraculous things."

Her eyes rolled at his arrogance and unwavering smirk, "I know Ray, we share a wall."

"Your words wound me." He said, feigning offense. He sent a dejected glare in her direction and took off towards the kitchen. "You know I have to prove myself now?"

Neela finished brushing her teeth and scurried towards the door to grab her shoes. "Rain check. I promise I'll let you prove your masculinity another time." She considered her reply for a moment and continued, "Though maybe masculinity isn't the right word…"

"Again with the hurtful words." He shook his head and picked up a kitchen utensil. "Neela, do you know what this is?"

Her eyes narrowed slightly, "A spatula…" she slowly answered, unsure of where he was going with this though quite sure she didn't want to know.

"Yes, Neela. In the hands of an ordinary man, it is a spatula."

"Ray-" the amusement in her voice was faint but recognizable.

"Ah" he lifted a finger in the air to silence her, "But in these hands, it is a dangerous weapon."

"Really, Ray." She scoffed with good nature and challenged him despite her intuitive warnings, "And what dangerous power does it hold?"

Ray stepped smoothly towards her and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Oh Neela. You're too full of disbelief. You're just not ready to know all my secrets yet."

He let his eyes absorb hers and relished in the familiar banter that they once shared.

Neela smiled slightly and reached for her purse. "You're something else, Ray."

"That's a good thing right?" he smiled hopefully.

He watched her leave, grabbed the orange juice from the fridge and hopped up on the counter.

Her head peeked in from the behind the door, "By the way, Abby will be here in a few hours, so you may want to consider clothing of some kind."

"I'll consider it." He gave her one last smirk before she disappeared.

Ray lifted the OJ carton to his lips and took a big gulp. Glancing around the apartment, he decided it was probably in his best interest to clean up a bit.


End file.
